Sunday, September 26, 2010

FLUFF YOUR TISSUE



To all of us who over see the little things in life!  I had to go to "Wally World (aka Wal-Mart) to pick up some tissue paper and a small gift bag to wrap a present that I purchased for a friend of mine.  When I got home and put the other things that I bought away and looked at the receipt and wonder what I had picked up for over 50 bucks!?  I thought I was just going for tissue paper and a gift bag.  Don't you hate when that happens???  Then of course I had to make myself a cup of coffee, Yes!, If I could hook myself up to a caffeine I.V. drip I probably would.  Less effort on my part.  Love the coffee taste though and love the caffeine more.  Now, were was I!  OH, that's right just about to wrap a present.  Let's see, Coffee, CHECK, present, CHECK, gift bag, CHECK, tissue paper, CHECK.  All set?!  Guess what!?  What has this world come to?!?!  Do we really need step by step instructions on the back of the tissue paper to tell us how to FLUFF your tissue paper?!?!?!  I am not kidding you at all.  I started to open the tissue paper and right there in front of my eyes, in black and white print were instructions on how to FLUFF your tissue!!  I really wish I knew how to put a picture of this on my blog.  That would take a brain fart for me at this point.  I have way to much caffeine in my system and taking Day Quill that I don't dare to attempt that right now.  So I kid you not!!! FLUFF YOUR TISSUE!  This gets me thinking Yes I am thinking, to all the other instructions that are out there that I have missed. Some might be as good as to FLUFF YOUR TISSUE!!  Most of you now me, and of course that is not all.  It always comes in threes.  I proceeded to spill my coffee on the floor and on the table as I grab the present, I threw that though the air to the couch.  I had to save that RIGHT!!  The rest of the tissue paper is now coffee stained and coffee scented. Hey might make big money, scented tissue or is this idea already taken.  The present is SAFE!  The floor needs a good wash though. So, I I end this for today, let me say these words to you,"don't forget to FLUFF your tissue next time you wrap that gift.

Crap Only Happens To ME!
Did you know that you need to FLUFF tissue?
What are your thoughts?
Till next time!!
Amy

Thursday, September 23, 2010

KIDS AND WHAT THEY SAY!

I came home to day to put my feet up and have a cup of coffee like I always do.  But today I found myself thinking way to much.  Is this what a cold dose to me. I do ache from head to toe and my head has been pounding all day.  Today though when I came home I saw my son in a different light!?  He has grown up in such a way that I for the last several weeks maybe even months did not really see my son the way I saw him today.  He will be 20 years old before I know it.  Where has the time gone?  That's what leads me to this
KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS!!!

My son was about 4 years old and had a small cold. He came up to me and asked me for a issue, (This meaning tissue.) I laughed so hard that I started writing some of the funny things down that kids say.

Here are just a few:
One particular day, I call it girls get together.One of my friends was breast feeding her new born baby.  Jayden who is 3 and a half, and is a son to one of my other friends.  He was sitting on the floor very content and watching my friend breast feed her new born baby for a while.  He finally says "Mom, Is one of those for hot and one of those for cold?" Got to love kids!

A few years back as we were sitting down for a luncheon.  My niece at the age of 4 asked her grandma a question. "Gram how old are you?"  Grandma replied, "So old that I can not remember." Niece replies, "That's OK gram, I do that now and again too."  "Here is my secret for you to remember."  "I just look in my panties to remember, mine say 5/6." "Works for me gram!

A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, "No, I'm the lonely child."
Submitted by Zaxgram


An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still, my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!
     Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order please?"

Crap Only Happens To Me!!!
Let me know your funniest sayings from the kids.
Love to hear from you!!
Amy


                                                                                   


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

THE WAY WE LOOK

I have not been at this long but I would like to thank all of the 250 people that have viewed my blog!!
Thanks and keep the comments rolling in!

Today, I was going to write about something till I got home and started to wonder Why do Women put so much energy into making them selves look so good.  No! Not energy I think I would call it Pain!  I was at that second job, Yes remember I told you, I work two jobs just cause I like filling in the time so I have no time at all.  This is for my associate that I worked with the other night. I rolled out of bed this morning and fell flat on my face.  Not a pretty site to see this older women fall.  At my age I don't do that gracefully.  Just don't think that it was graceful because it was not that at all.  I looked up, body aching from the old age and the knees cracking, and remembered that I bought myself a nice black shrug for myself.  I know its not the pillow, but I did by something for myself.  Anyways,  I put this on with a nice crisp white long sleeved T-shirt that I had and I do have to say I looked OK for a Tuesday.  As the day went on my nice crisp white long sleeved T-shirt was now turning black from all the black fuss coming from the black shrug that I had on.  This black fuss was all over me.  Let's see!  It was going onto my T-shirt, pants, hair, in my eyes, up my nose.  I started to sneeze and continued to rub my eyes and my nose all day long. The children in the class room that I was in made a comment by saying "It looks like there are bugs crawling all over your shirt.  Not the look I was going for.   NOTE TO SELF:  You my want to wash this black shrug before I wearing it again.  Now, I think I will wear a black long sleeved T-shirt next I want to wear this, put glasses on to protect my eyes, and have plenty of tissues on hand for my nose.  Do you believe that I still am pulling black fuss off of me as I am typing this blog today!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

If this is not bad enough I observed the women around me, as they try to look hot, fantastic, smoken hot, and what do you think they are saying after having those smoken hot shoes are on for a while!?  MY FEET HURT!  Yup!  You now you do!  You love the way they look on you and you are determined to wear them all night for ever one to see.  That is why we should be wearing comfortable shoes to work.  I do not see the men breaking down the door to tell us women that we look SMOKEN HOT!  NOT only that but all of us  women pull our eyebrow hairs, put all kinds of make up on(to see face break out from a reaction to skin), wash hair every night to make sure it has that right shine and lets not leave out all the things we put into our hair after we just spent time washing the old stuff out, spend all kinds of money on having our panties match our bra, getting the right jewelry for the outfits that we all have, wearing the right stilettoooos for that Smoken Hot outfit, lets not for get one of my favorite, to get the right fragrance and the nice hand cream to smooth out those rough spots in our skin.  LADY'S this list is the tip of the iceberg.  AND WHY DO WE DO THIS! So our feet can hurt, skin can break out, allergic reaction, and to look SMOKEN HOT!!

AS I take just an other black fuss off my shirt and take the fuss that is up nose, I say to you enjoy the laugh or two you my get from this!!

Crap Only Happens To ME!!!
Leave me a comment or two!

SMOKEN HOT!!!
 Again thanks for all of you that have logged on
AMY

Sunday, September 19, 2010

WHAT DO MOMS REALLY DO ALL DAY?

My girlfriend said that she was sick of her husband walking though the door and asking her that dreaded question."HI, Honey! What have you been doing all day?" "Is supper ready yet?"

Well this is for all of us who stay home and take care of the kids and the house!!!

5:30am: Drag yourself out of your super warm comfortable bed to get the husband up and off to work. Make sure that he has got all his stuff (cell phone, keys, wallet, lunch, coffee to go, because you don't want to be the one to drive all the way to his work to drop something off, because HE left it behind.

6:00am: Sit down on the couch with a cup of hot coffee to watch the news, before you have to get the kids up and ready for school.
But they never want to RISE NOR SHINE!

6:45am: Give the kids a heads up that it is just about time to rise and shine!

6:50am: Check for holes in the eyelids and make sure that you are ready for round two with the kids. Drink that last sip of coffee because you know that you are going to need that boost. YOU Know YOU Are!!

7:00am: Take a breath, make sure coffee is all gone in the cup, Get kids out of bed!  Great they are up! "MOM I am hungry." One of the lovely chants as he walks down the hallway to the kitchen. The other saying that he will be down in a minute and you now what that means! (More like I will hand out here till she yells for me.)

7:30am: One child done with breakfast and one still upstairs. Get down here now if you want something to eat you are running out of time. Kitchen clean and one child almost ready to go and child number two just coming down the stairs and grab a clod pop tart. I am good with that!

7:35am: Tell older one that he needs to head down to the bus stop and put the younger one in the car to drive him to the other bus stop so that from there I can go start all the errands that need to be done today.

11:30am: Get younger child off the bus and then home for lunch.

12:00noon time: Sit down with the younger child talk about his day over a nice lunch and time for him to take a rest.

12:30pm: Walk into the living room to find out that the younger one has taken out 500 toys while you were making lunch. Looking at all these toys you start to pick up some of them so that you can clean this room before the day is out.

1:00pm: Child is starting to wake up from is nice nap and I hear "I want a snack!" Get younger child snack and have a play date over and try to clean up and get some of the laundry done and folder.

1:30pm: While you try to get some other small things done around the house the younger one and his play date are now taking out the 500 toys to play with and asking one million questions!?, Gone in and out of the house several times.

2:30pm: The older child comes over from school. Gotten himself a snack, made a mess of the kitchen. Go and tell older child to come back and clean up his mess, then think of what would be nice to have for dinner and pick up the rest of the kitchen that the older one did not do because sometimes it is just easier that way.

3:00pm: Walk play date home and walk dog for the day to get in some exercise.  Keep plastic bag in pocket to pick up that smelly stuff that the dog leaves behind on other peoples lawns. (this is were I wish that dogs were like cats. Cats cover up their own messes!)

3:30pm: OH Crap! Did I get the last load of laundry down? Husband may need that shirt for tomorrow. Go check thank God I checked!!

4:00pm: Check to see if older one has started some of that home work.  Check agenda, check homework site, check all homework.

4:30pm: Did I get a chance to fluff my bed and the kids, check to see if the bathroom needs a scrub, did I get to all the errands this morning? OH Well tomorrow is an other day.

5:00pm: OH Crap! %#%#% Dinner still has to be made, the kids need to get showers, the living room needs to be picked up for about the thousandth time today, AND I need a SHOWER, a SHOT ,and some SLEEP!!! BUT first feed the family.

5:30pm: Get kids in the shower, double check on older kids homework, make sure this is no papers I need to sign, let children watch a show or two on TV before they get ready.

6:00pm: Make myself a cup of decaf coffee, because you now if its not I will be up for hours. Ask husband if he wants a cup with you.

7:30pm: Give kids a heads a heads up that bed times in a little while, Let the dog go outside before the end of the night, make sure the kitchen is all cleaned up. Check living room and pick that up. Again with the kids for the fifth time today.

8:30pm: Have the kids head up to bed, brush teeth and get into bed. Answer about an other one million questions from the two of them and finally say goo night.  Now I can breath, I think! Is that the dog I hear? Let the dog in!?

Now to all those other halves that come home and ask "What did you do all day?" You may need a copy of this. You may add in what I forgot.  Like my girlfriend said we forgot to add in soccer practice, hockey practice, dance, baseball practice, and all those other stuff that we need to get to on time.

This doesn't include the days of doctor appointments.
This doesn't include all the times that we say be careful, no hitting, no spitting, what's the matter?, don't do that, throw that away, get that out of your mouth, pick that up, chill out, what up, stop holding yourself and go pee, Now You Get The Picture!!

And when the going gets tough I recite these words "THIS TO SHALL PASS" it seem to work and some times I said those words all day long.

SO to end this for an other day, to those husbands, next time they ask you "what have you been doing all day" I will gladly refer to this blog or make a copy and add in some other things I may have forgotten. Because I can not possibly recite all of this all over again!! NOW I am going to SHOWER, get a SHOT, and some SLEEP! and for those who really now me I don't drink, But never too late.

Crap Only Happens to ME!!!!!
How did I do?
See full size imageAnd some of your own
Till tomorrow                                                                  

Saturday, September 18, 2010

MEN ARE JUST DIFFERENT

HI! I thought while I was at my second job today!? Yes! people out there, I do work two jobs and I am surprised that I have time to think.  I started this blog because The male figure in my life can sometimes, wait did I say sometimes I meant always. Hey !!!! ALWAYS he is like a female, feminine, high maintenance, pain in the you now what.  I have to look at the guide lines and the very fine print to this blog not sure I can use swear words!!  I know you guys can fill in the blanks.  I will get back to the other half. No not the better half that is ME!  Now as I was about to say every time I come home from work my man of the house, likes no loves to cook. Grill cooking that is. The Manly thing to do of the house. Which I am not suppose to touch.  I do when he is not around. Nothing wrong with this not ever in the middle of the winter in a snow storm, blizzards at times. YES folks he will grill in the SNOW,BLIZZARD,SLEET,FREEZING RAIN, JUST RAIN, HAIL nothing will not stop my manly man from grilling on his grill.  I sound like an add for the mailman.  My neighbors will agree with me Oh yes they will!  It just would be nice to change it up now and then.  I know what you all are thinking, and yes I do try my hand at some cooking but there are some things that I really should not do.  Cooking is one of those things.  Tonight's meal was ribs and corn on the cob.  GOOD,Very Good by the way.  Then because I did not jump at the chance to do the dishes right away.  You all know what is coming don't you?  What do most men do. There are three things, first they sit there and complain that you should be doing the dishes or two why can they just soak.  The last Why can't you do them?  We do not have a dish washer so there are times that I call myself the human dishwasher.  Yes I did the dishes cause I did not want to sit all night long in silence.  NOTE TO SELF: Can we fit a dish washer in  our tiny kitchen. Check on that soon. So after doing not that many dishes I came to sit down and watch a nice TV program. WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED NEXT?   YES OH YES, MY manly man was sound asleep on the couch.  Not so bad till he started to snore. And he snores loud! Are   You Kidding ME!!
Crap Only Happens To Me!!!
Love to hear from you all
Enjoy your day
Keep smiling!

Friday, September 17, 2010

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

While taking small sips of my coffee from those not so durable plastic coffee cups, I was pondering what to put in this blog today!  Can you just guess what happen to me next?  That's right!  I spilt coffee all down the front of my new shirt. OH BOY!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  I haven't even started my day yet.  This WAS my New Shirt. Not so NEW anymore.  We have all been there at one time or another.  But Crap Only Happens To Me!  So do I like the look of long dribbles down the front of my shirt, or do I go into the bathroom and in my eyes make a bigger spot on the front for everyone can ask "What Happened?"  I proceed to go into the bathroom and make the coffee dribble go away.  But as we all now with some things that just want to hang out for a while.  The little dribbles down the front of my shirt was now a big wet spot on the front of my shirt.  Now this shirt started out different shades of Tye-dyed blue.  I do have to say I looked nice for the first 15 minutes of my day.  Oh and we should mention today was picture day.  I opted out.  Even though you could not see it, I felt a little funny going in front of the camera with a big wet spot on my shirt. So as I was walking up and down the halls, I felt that  ever one was staring at that BIG wet spot on the front of my shirt.  And did I not just say people are going to ask "What Happened?"  Boy was I right. I must have answered that question a dozen times.  Later I found myself taking my mother up to the registry.  Why you ask?  I asked myself that same question a dozen times all the way there.  Let me tell you, I thought I looked bad with now a dried out Tye-dyed blue stained shirt.  Have you ever looked around at what other people wear.  When I was up there I saw some out of the ordinary outfits.  I think I need to look at myself in the mirror before I go out I public.  I was not at my best with my dried out coffee stained shirt that I had on.  Then my mother was noticing some of the other people that were coming and going up there and commenting on what they looked like.  Then she got the women on the other side of me going and the two of them were so funny.  My mother on one side and an older women on the other making comments on every ones outfit. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Think about this, I was sitting in the middle of these two saying to myself "Have they called our number yet?"  "Are you sure its not time to close the doors and tell me to go home."  I have not laughed like that for a long time. I should have gone to the bathroom before I left the house. Wait isn't that what we say to the kids when they were little. "Do you need to use the potty before we go?"  May I sure take my own words of advise.  It felt so good that the older women on the other side of me asked if we were coming back next week?  Are you Joking?  I could not do this place that many days in one month. As I walked out of the registry I said one thing to myself Crap Only Happens to ME!!!!
Let me know some of your fun moments.
Till next time
AMY

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

IT ALWAYS COMES IN 3'S

I thought that I would type this in my blog because I know a lot of you out there can relate to what I go through on a daily basis.

This summer I was working two jobs.  Oh that's right I still am working two jobs and have been for the last four years.  Anyway I found myself accumulating, that green stuff, called money in the bank.  When I saw that my balance was much more then 5 bucks. I started to think. Wrong thing to do for me!  I was getting nervous, having more money in that account and the balance going up not down.  I was for a while looking over my shoulder waiting for something to happen.  Why you ask?  Very Good Question!  Because Crap Only Happens to Me!!  Not to say it would never happen to someone else.  But that's what it seems like at that particular moment for me all the time.  So thinking to myself, I worked hard for that money.  I would like to treat myself to something!  Want a new pillow for a good nights sleep.  On sale at store for $3.99.  Not bad!  Need a new pair of sneakers.  On sale at store for $29.99.  should I or wait.  For several days I came up with a lot of different STUFF that I either wanted or needed.  The want and need always seem to play tug of war with each other. Get ready!  THEN THE BOMB!!  My husband, at dinner time, looks at me with that look. You all know that look. "Honey, the muffler on the jeep needs to be replaced."  Are you kidding me!!! "Is that why you can hear the jeep coming from a mile away?  Good Bye new pillow, Good Bye new sneakers.  HELLO new muffler!  OH BOY!  Now in our house and probably in yours, it always comes in 3"s.  BRACE SELF!!!  Two days later, Son walks through the door and says "MOM, the jeep (this is jeep number two that we own) needs oil and a oil filter!  Good Bye new pillow, Good Bye new sneakers.  That was number two.  Here comes number 3.  BRACE SELF!!!  Phone is ringing, answer the phone "Amy" the person on the other end of that phone proceeds to tell me that we now need a hose to be replaced that is why there is very little oil in your jeep."  Good Bye new pillow, Good Bye new sneakers.  OH Dear bank account DOWN to 5 bucks. 
Crap Only Happens to ME!!!!!!
Can you relate?
Love to hear from you!
Till tomorrow
BYE FOR NOW

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The first for me

I would like to start my saying that this is a first for me.  I thought maybe if I type in things that some people can relate to out there.  The first thing that happen to me was about two years ago when I got my first cell phone handed to me by my son.  Yes! is old one. Trying to figure out this new piece of technology was a challenge in it self.  My son later that day sent me a text message and then I answered back.  But what came back was Idk.  So sitting in a room full of students, I started to ask them without disturbing the whole class.  Student to my left I asked "What does Idk mean?" "Their reply was I don't know?" "What do you mean I don't know?" These are students that txt everyday!  So I asked the student to the other side of me from where I was sitting. "What does Idk mean?"  The student looked at me with a grin and said "I don't know?"  Getting upset with this new technology thing, I looked at the student and said what do you mean you don't know, you do this all day long even when you are suppose to be doing something like class work.  The student in front of me handed me a piece of paper that said "Idk means I Don't Know" really!  Then it came to me, I get it Idk really means I don't know!!!!